Sometimes I have to take a step back…. look around me, look in the mirror, and look at my life. I am overwhelmed. I cant believe that God has given me this life, a life I do not deserve at all. I used to say when all things were going wrong, “Why me God?” Now I look around at this life and say, Why me God? Why have You chosen me to live this life full of fulfillment and joy that I don’t even come close to deserving. Im amazed at His love for me and for the people in my life. Today was one of those days where I was so filled with the Holy Spirit that I couldn’t help crying. Today we went and taught English and bible study at the tent camp called Carridu. We go out there 3 times a week and it is so amazing being able to pray and teach with other fellow sisters in Christ in this amazing country, but today was different. I taught the english and the bible study today and I was nervous. I usually have help from other members of my team, but they could not be there today. So I said God take control, I want my words to flow from your thoughts, and sure enough they did. We had two women from the visiting team that week share their testimonies and they so heavily placed onto the hearts of the haitian women. They talked about how before they found their love for jesus their lives lacked real love. Their husbands cheated on them abused them and and was in and out of there lives constantly. Until one day they gave up their broken hearts to the only One who can mend them. It was so powerful for the haitian women to hear because a lot of them struggle with this in their own lives. After their testimonies, I began to teach the bible study and we talked about the willingness to fall to our knees and accept the life God has planned for us, as I continued to share I fell to my knees right there in class. I was so filled with the the love of Jesus that the best place to speak from was my knees. I had never felt so filled with Him in my life and even our translator, Kessy could feel it. He was all around us and filling everyone on that bus. It was a wonderful feeling to see and embody the grace he has bestowed upon each and everyone of us. After this amazing class where I thought I couldn’t feel more grace, My saviour continued to pour it on me. I come home and check my email and see a message from a women who is in charge of my alcohol assessments where I had to take 40 hours of classes for past things in my life that would cost 700 dollars, and the email said
“ Carley, I would be satisfied with wiping the remainder of your hours out completely. You have gone above and beyond and I feel comfortable with where you are at right now. I also feel confident that you are making better choices and have supports in place that you could use if you needed to. So, finish out your mission in Haiti and continue to do good work. “
I sat there in shock starring at the screen and began to weep. God is this my LIFE? Are you really showing me this much grace after everything I have done?! Can this be real?!
And He says YES, this is real. I love you, and I am proud of you and you have changed. Everything you have done is forgotten and I will now bestow on you grace. I would not have this grace if it was not for his Son who was torn to pieces so that I might have grace for things like this. As I said before I am overwhelmed, with his love for me and his compassion and forgiveness and his grace. I love that word Grace, thank you Jesus for grace, because there would be no grace without you.